Thursday, November 5, 2015

Hot Girls Wanted: My Journey & why I moved on

Watching "Hot Girls Wanted". I know and have worked with a lot of those on the film. I'm glad they decided to be honest about the actual experience in the industry and how it really goes. It is also part of the reason why I decided to retire. One of the most honest was Stella May. Thank you for being honest and open about how the industry really is and how it makes some of us women feel behind the scenes. People do not realize the physical risk, health risks, emotional tolls, the toll it takes on your personal life and how it makes you feel personally when you see that what they are displaying is not who you really are more so just an object.

It is one thing to be proud of who you are in all aspects, even sexually. Owning who you are sexually is very self empowering. But this particular industry doesn't always promote that so much. Yet it is glamorized on the forefront and all the new girls coming into it have no idea what world they are stepping into but Get hit with the truth when they are at their first or second shoot and they start to see and get a taste of what it is really like to be in that industry.

I used to even get hired a lot to talk to the new girls before they actually put their face on camera to give them the 101 talk. The reality of it so that they can have a fair chance at deciding for themselves.

I for one, because I was already promiscuous years before I ever thought of putting it on camera, knew that putting a camera and for the whole world to see that my face is attached to a possibly degrading title and video concept, I knew and started to get the real idea that I had to make a decision whether not I should keep going through this or stop at the third shoot. At the time that I started it took a toll on my personal life and severed a lot of relationships that I had. Family friends lovers and so on.

So my decision at the time was to become numb to it and see where this goes. ( I didn't want to judge something just awful of a taste. I don't like feeling like I'm judging. Actually fully experiencing something I making a calculated decision on it on whether it's right for you or not is what I would rather do so I saw through). It was a whole new experience in a sense and I wanted to see what this was all about. The first 8 to 9 months was not easy. I was in a relationship that was falling apart because of what I was doing. Eventually it completely fell apart and I took a month off to regroup my thoughts and then one month turned into 7 to 8 months of sobriety from everything in the world. I had moved to the Midwest and stayed out of the industry for a while. I gained a peace of mind and a sense of self. Meditation exercise exploring nature and my job and being alone or my main focus at that time. It was the most peaceful. Of my life. That helped me to realize that self actualization is one of the most if not the most important thing along the journey to have. Due to circumstances I ended up moving back to Miami and two months later ended up working at tootsies as a exotic dancer (stripper).

This was also another aspect of that industry that I had absolutely no idea about. I walked in there not knowing a clue on what to do what to say or even what that world was even about. I only knew one girl in there and she basically showed me the inns and outs of that world and how to make top dollar doing the least but being smart about it. To me it felt dark and not right. But I usually always tend to trust my intuition, trust the journey and whatever lessons it has in store for me through any experience. And I did. I learned a lot. I also went through a lot in that world too. It is very tough doing that job and it's very dangerous but it also gave me a different type of confidence in myself. I worked there for almost a year and then switched between that club and two other clubs, got a place of my own and decided to give it another shot as an adult actress since I was already numb to everything that was going on. This time I had no relationships, family was barely ever around, I literally only had myself. Gave it another shot and came back fully doing boy girl scenes and all that stuff. It grew from just that to documentaries to reality TV shows to radio station interviews and so much more. I was always busy and never home I was always on a plane traveling with constant work and clients as well. Almost a year later I just knew I was really ready to stop. I was happy with the money and the freedom but I wasn't happy with what my name was linked to. It wasn't linked to anything that truly had to do with who I really am. It was always whoever I'm acting out in the film as an object to a man's desire. It was never me for who I am and what I really have to offer on all aspects. And so in that sense I felt like I was lying to myself and that feeling for me is one of the most uncomfortable feelings. So I knew I had a choice to make. Either keep going and I had it at the very least another three months of work lined up already, or have the courage to really stop and show who I really am. And I stayed off set for two months thinking and that's when I knew that this was it. This was the end of the road for this aspect. To just acknowledge it for the good and bad that it came with, take all the lessons that I've learned from it and move forward to the next part of my life that is going to get me closer to completely becoming one with who I truly am.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Recognize Your Own Poison

I feel like more than ever, so far, this statement is very relevant to what I am working on personally. From the darkness of my past, BPD, and many other factors, as well as all the lessons learned so far and where it's brought me to now... I have grown a lot, just as much as I recognize that there is still growing that is being done within me. I have come, so far, to a state where I realize more and more where I have been my own "poison" all along. 

So I am actively working on it, working on my thought patterns, the vibrations I send out, my emotions as well as my behavior towards certain things. This is a very big and healthy step for me. Anyone going through a similar process, I encourage you to keep going and to not give up. Like I said, we all have the infinite power within us to change a vibration to create new results that work best for us.

Growth is so beautiful. Scars are beautiful as well. They tell the story of where you once were, and the strength encourage and love that you invested in yourself to switch that path to a healthier one for you.

#alyssagadson #positivesoul #positivevibrations #enjoythejourney #everythingisenergy #experience #energy #scars #soul #shine #spirit #freespirit #freeyourmind #vibration #journey #youniverse #loveandlight #loveyourself #healthierlife #changeisgood 

Friday, September 4, 2015

Thank You Youniverse ❤️

"It's not all about me changing the world. That is selfish to think that I'm the only one that can do it. I may or may not change the world but I definitely will spark the mind that will change the world"
Tupac Shakur 

The Youniverse cares/ Live Your Truth

I don't exactly know how to post a video on here through the mobile app. So for the video part, you can visit my Instagram. I posted the videos on there which are clips from girl meets world that have a lot to do with this message.

#Youniverse is always paying attention, teaching & evolving. So many energies traveling at once, through so many forms, and it's all here to help you learn, to help you come back to yourself, your truest form of being. That's why it's important to live your truth even if you stand alone. Or more importantly, to know that even living your truth, you're never alone. #Youniverse got you. We are all connected. "Please don't worry. I got you." -Youniverse

Lol. The truth, a lesson, even a message can be delivered in all ways through all forms. Look around you. Even in your very home where your kids are. Listen to them "in my #Kanyewest voice lol"
Kids really do have the innocence and the creativity, the kindness, the knowledge, and the messages that even you were conditioned to forget or let go. It's part of your core. They have one of the core attributes to growth: curiosity. They ask questions. They want to know.

And instead of telling them to stop asking so many questions, ask yourself why did you stop asking questions?

And pay attention to all that's around you. Do universities to you in so many ways, and most of them aren't words.

#alyssagadson #positivevibrations #vibratehigher #everythingisenergy #loveandlight #learn #lessons #growth #goodvibes #paradox #BEING #beyourself #knowyourself

Monday, August 31, 2015

Your Subconscious Mind

Pay attention to your subconscious mind. Did you know that your subconscious mind is 30,000 times more powerful than your conscious mind?

Examine the thoughts that are in your subconscious. Responses can be coming from those vibrations as well. That's where repetitive behavior starts, as well as dipping back into the past, memories, vibrations that keep certain feelings alive that no longer serve a purpose, or are even good for your soul anymore. It's just there creating responses because you haven't removed it.

Take ahold of your thoughts. Pay attention to them. Create a new thought process that will start to give you better results. 
The energy you "pay" attention to will be the experience that you "bought". 

I will Sherry personal experience related to this topic. As you all know I have been through so many things and so many different walks of life and have also had a wide variety of experiences from almost any end of the spectrum. Through this variety of experiences, comes memories. Whether good or bad. Every memory has a feeling attached. So all this gets stored in my subconscious mind and as I keep moving forward into new experiences, my subconscious mind still has stored what I went through and how I felt and the impact that it had on me. So even through this new experience that I walked into or this new part of my life or my journey, I find myself still blacking out and venturing into my subconscious mind, and digging up old experiences and how they made me feel. Most of it is usually anger. For I have been through a lot of pain. But what this is actually doing is, bringing all vibrations into a new experience. So this is also why I say pay attention to your subconscious mind and where your mind goes when you're thinking or even not thinking. Because your subconscious mind will sometimes make you feel like you're "blacking out". You ever had that conversation that you probably don't remember right after or even the next day? And there were no influences on your body to cause that other than your subconscious mind? Your subconscious mind is so powerful. It is literally 30,000 times more powerful than your conscious mind. So the vibrations that are being created through your subconscious thoughts are so important to clean out if the ones that are in there aren't feeding your soul the right "meal" for the present moment and where you want your journey to keep unfolding. For the thoughts that you pay attention to is what will continue to create what will be set before you.

So I had to come to realize this, and start actually paying attention to what I was thinking in my subconscious mind and why I was thinking these things. Why I was holding on to certain thoughts and experiences through my subconscious mind. And that is the first step on letting it all go and reprogramming your subconscious mind to where the thoughts and it will still suit you for the better and not for a negative vibration that will set you up to eventually experience the same thing over. Remember that the universe will continue to allow you to go through certain things until the lesson is learned. Once the lesson is learned it is important to clear it out of the subconscious mind and only hold onto the lesson for tomorrow.

#alyssagadson #positivevibrations #subconscious #conscious #mind #powerful #loa #lawofattraction #youniverse #knowyourself #limitless

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

The story behind my retirement from Alexis

Hey there! 

OK so as you all know I decided to quit filming in the adult industry and pretty much anything that is related to that nature and work. First off I would like to say I have met some great souls in that realm as well.

For me, I knew that because of the way I started in that certain industry, I knew it wouldn't last. In all honesty, I more so believe that I started that out of desperation more than passion and complete choice. I have learned a lot along the way and have met some great people within that industry. Anyone would asked me do I regret doing it? Well my answer is simply no. I don't believe in regret when all that I experience has something to teach me and all that I do and all the people that I meet have something to share with me that I didn't have before I met them. Whether good or bad. So the answer is no I do not have any regrets. I have learned a lot from walking that path and have gained a thorough understanding as well as to what people in that industry go through.

Every morning that I got up for a shoot was a bit of a mental struggle for me. I had to look at myself in the mirror and get it together. Same with stripping and anything in the nature of the adult industry. It took a lot out of me to make happen what I've done. Simply because it's not what I originally intended and not the original path from who I truly am. Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, a toll was taken everyday that I did it. I wasn't clear on my own self worth, and the fact that I deserve what I truly want. A family. Love. Blogging. Video blogs. Modeling and speaking.

When I left my marriage, and I could no longer live with my daughter at that time, that alone took a toll on me. Throughout the path and the journey since then, I've come to learn a lot as I've also been through a lot. 

For me, I've always known that, that wasn't a career, but more so settling at the time. But the more I grew in it, the more I found myself trying to hold on to what was left of who I truly am. So I slowed down a lot on filming and stayed thinking to myself "is this something I want to keep continuing and make as a way of life? Or am I willing to drop it and fully bloom as who I am?" The toll it took on me and my personal life was a lot. It also built a distance between what I truly want and I. So I started asking myself how much longer can I hold on to something I'm not happy with? 
Why should I? Cause my name is known? 

That made no sense to me. The whole point of me even starting a YouTube channel and blog site years ago was for me to just express who I truly am openly. And the way that it helped others is what touched my soul in the first place. 

So I'd like to get back to that. To what makes me happy and being who I am and sharing my journey No matter where it leads. 

Right now my main focus is to bring my personal life back together in a much better way than before and to continue to heal from the past I've had. To embrace a future that I want and never have to settle for anything again. 

Yes I'll be doing photo shoots and interviews here and there for now. And yes eventually I'll go full throttle again but this time in a way that I'm very happy as well. Synchronized vibrations of positivity. 

I will always continue to be open and honest about my journey with you all for a long time. More than happy to. Matter of fact it's who I am :)

Much love to you all and I definitely encourage you all to never settle for anything or even anyone. Always go for exactly what you want. You will be the one riding the waves of that vibration. So create a vibration that you're actually happy with from within and continue that as it becomes a frequency to a brighter future.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Down On Bended Knee?

And ladies, why is it so wrong or hard to believe that a woman can get on one knee just as well as a man can? What is seriously wrong with that? And again I don't attack people. That's not me. I observe people. And from what I've been observing it has more to do with either a pride issue or what they've been taught and tradition which can be very sexist. A woman came at me with pride & this was my response. 

"So when he got on one knee, did that mean that he was desperate? Like I said I don't come from the sexist to just no ways that people are taught. I'm very free spirited and open-minded and equal. And I don't get how a man can do it and it's okay and if a woman does it there's something wrong. That is a very sexist way of viewing things. How can women fight for equality,  yet aren't willing to do things as equal? Since when were there rules & roles when it comes to love? Again I am not attacking you. That is not my style. I like to ask questions and gain understanding of why people think the way they do, and how much of it has to do with what they were actually taught"

I've spoken to a number of people about this, especially the ladies and I've asked what is wrong with a woman getting on one knee? So far the majority of the responses that I have received have more to do with pride and traditions then love, being humble & forthright. 

Whatever floats people's boat to help them I guess be more comfortable in finding a sense of self, I don't knock it. I'm more question everything and I Love to learn other perceptions in perspective. I like to understand everything around me. I don't believe in judging people because all I would be doing is judging myself.

Like I said all perceptions and perspectives are welcomed. I do not judge anyone I simply observe and learn.